Marriage

I just finished watching a movie called Shopgirl in which Claire Danes plays a twentysomething pursued by a loser her own age and pursuing an older man. It's a romantic chickflick-type movie written by a man, Steve Martin, who also stars in it. It follows rather honestly the emotional journey of a young woman whose journey resembles in so many ways that of so many of my female peers. In other words it's true to what I know from what women my age have shared with me about their lives. It's not a virtuous film, but ironically it sparked in me a thought about the virtue of marriage.

As the story unfolds, you realize that Claire's character is going to be hurt by this older man, because the younger man pursuing her is the poster boy for what every woman should avoid, so you know the plot's only hanging on to him to wow her at the end. In the meanwhile, she pursues this relationship with this older man who is contrasted to the younger man in every way, but you know he's not the one that will last, but you don't yet know how that's going to play out. Anywho-- so there comes this moment when they're going to have sex again, but they don't, and you can read in Claire's performance of this character how vulnerable she is and how tender Steve Martin's being--

and I thought to myself at that exact moment--"here- right here is the perfect illustration of why the Church teaches the sanctity of marriage!" Here where you know he's going to break her heart even though he's such a gentle man-- it's still going to be awful for her-- and you want to scream-- "this is why you don't go and give yourself away to men who treat you well!" When they treat you well, you secure a marriage proposal.

The sacrament of marriage has a societal benefit. But more than that, the Church wants to spare young women like Claire Danes' Shopgirl from having their hearts broken in two; the Church wants to protect that tender and vulnerable place in our hearts. Danes' character is not naive or virtuous, like so many twentysomethings my age. The movie doesn't flatter men or degrade them. But it portrayed so well what Claire was risking, what every young woman risks. And what so few men cherish and protect in women. Chastity is a gift the Church proposes to every single young person for their sake and the sake of society.

To quote from the Apostolic Exhortation:

"Finally, where the nullity of the marriage bond is not declared and objective circumstances make it impossible to cease cohabitation, the Church encourages these members of the faithful to commit themselves to living their relationship in fidelity to the demands of God's law, as friends, as brother and sister; in this way they will be able to return to the table of the Eucharist, taking care to observe the Church's established and approved practice in this regard. This path, if it is to be possible and fruitful, must be supported by pastors and by adequate ecclesial initiatives, nor can it ever involve the blessing of these relations, lest confusion arise among the faithful concerning the value of marriage."

Why this passage? How does it pertain? Because here the Church actually suggests that one live as brother and sister as a way of remaining faithful to the Lord. The Church proposes CHASTITY even when one has already gotten hitched! We can always turn to the Lord and offer him our hearts, even if it's in concert with another person.

Love, even greatly romantic love, does not have to mean sex. Noone has to have sex when they fall in love with someone. But they can LOVE that someone in such a beautiful, tender, and meaningful way!!!

When Steve Martin's character begins to disrobe Danes' character-- all I could think was - "why? why must it be sex?" What was being portrayed so expertly in Danes' performance was her giving away her heart, nonetheless her body-- and it was a sorrowful thing to watch. It made me sad for those characters, both of them.

The Church proposes something altogether more beautiful for each one of us. According to our beloved Pontiff, she proposes this every time we receive the Eucharist. Our Lord comes to us as two lovers do on their wedding night: tender, trembling, and impassioned, given with whole hearts to a sacred union. I'm struck by this, and I think of what dream could have come true for Danes' character and so many young women like her. Read the Exhortation; it's wisdom.